A few years ago, I hit a strange kind of identity crisis.
Not the kind where everything falls apart overnight. There was no rock-bottom moment or dramatic meltdown. To be honest, on the surface, everything looked fine - great, even.
On paper, my life looked perfect - I had a well-paying job with a fancy title, a comfortable apartment in a great neighborhood, and the kind of stability most people spend years chasing. I could afford weekend getaways, expensive dinners, and all the little luxuries that signaled I had "made it."
But inside, I felt empty - it was like I was living someone else’s life. Every morning, I’d wake up, answer emails, attend meetings, and check off to-do lists, all while wondering: "Is this it?"
I wasn’t miserable, but I wasn’t excited either. It was like I had climbed a ladder only to realize it was leaning against the wrong wall.
I ignored the feeling for a long time. I told myself:
I was just tired
that I needed a vacation
a new challenge
a better work-life balance.
But no matter what I did, that nagging feeling didn’t go away.
Until one day, I finally admitted the truth:
I didn’t know who I was outside of my achievements.
And that terrified me.
The "success trap" (and why you are having an identity crisis)
High achievers don’t like to talk about it.
We’re supposed to be the ones who have it all figured out - the planners, the go-getters, the ones who turn dreams into reality, right?
But here is what happens when you realize you’ve spent years climbing a ladder that’s leaning against the wrong wall. The hard way I had to learn that:
Success without meaning is just another form of failure. If what you’re chasing doesn’t light you up, it’s not your dream—it’s someone else’s.
Your identity is not your job title. When you attach your worth to external achievements, losing them (or questioning them) feels like losing yourself.
More isn’t always better. More money, more status, more responsibilities—none of it will make you happy if you don’t actually care about the life you’re building.
Who are you without your work?
When I stripped away my job title, my LinkedIn accolades, my five-year plan - I didn’t know what was left.
That’s when I realized:
I had spent so much time proving my worth that I never stopped to ask what I actually wanted.
So I did something radical.
I stopped planning (shocking!).
For the first time in my life, I let myself be curious.
I gave myself permission to experiment.
How I started over without blowing up my life
I didn’t quit my job overnight.
I didn’t sell all my belongings and move to Bali (though I considered it 😂).
Instead, I started small.
Here’s what helped me reconnect with myself:
I stopped glorifying busyness
Just because I could take on more projects didn’t mean I should. I used to say yes to everything - extra work, networking events, side hustles - thinking that being busy meant being important. It was exhausting.
So, I started setting boundaries. When a colleague asked me to take on an “exciting opportunity” that would eat into my evenings, I politely declined. When my inbox overflowed with requests, I stopped answering emails outside work hours. At first, I felt guilty. But then I realized that nothing fell apart. The world kept spinning, and for the first time in years, I had actual free time.
I used it to do... well, nothing. I took long walks without a podcast playing. I drank coffee without scrolling my phone. And I began to realize that rest wasn’t something to earn - it was something I deserved.
I explored without needing an outcome
I used to measure everything by how it contributed to my career or personal growth. If it didn’t make me money or add a new skill to my CV, I dismissed it as a waste of time.
So, I challenged myself to do things just because.
I signed up for a pottery class, something I had zero natural talent for. I traveled solo without feeling the need to document every moment. I started writing again, not for an audience, but for myself.
One day, I reached out to an old acquaintance who had quit corporate life to start an unconventional business. Instead of interrogating him about his “strategy,” I just listened to his story. For the first time, I saw that life didn’t have to follow a straight, predictable path, and that realization felt strangely freeing.
I got brutally honest about what drained me.
There were things in my life that felt heavy—but I had convinced myself they were “just part of being an adult.” Certain friendships felt more like obligations. My work schedule left me perpetually drained. Even my Instagram feed, filled with “inspirational” posts, made me feel like I was falling behind.
So, I made a list. I wrote down everything that felt like a weight on my shoulders. And one by one, I started letting go.
I stopped forcing myself to attend social events that didn’t excite me
I unfollowed accounts that made me feel bad
I stopped responding to texts because I had to
I gave myself permission to step back from a job that no longer fit me
At first, it felt selfish. But then I realized - every time I let go of something that drained me, I made space for something that actually fulfilled me.
I redefined success on my own terms.
For years, I had been chasing an invisible finish line - more money, more achievements, more external validation. But when I sat down and really asked myself what success meant to me, the answer wasn’t what I expected.
It wasn’t about promotions or paychecks.
It was about waking up without anxiety. About feeling excited for my day instead of dreading it. About having the freedom to build a life that felt aligned with who I was, not just what looked good on paper.
And slowly, step by step, I started creating that life.
What I realised makes me happy
Here’s what I wish someone had told me years ago:
Happiness isn’t something you “achieve.” It’s something you build - through alignment, curiosity, and small, daily choices.
You don’t have to have all the answers. It’s okay to be in transition, to not know exactly what’s next. Clarity comes from action, not overthinking.
You are more than your productivity. Your worth doesn’t depend on how much you achieve. You deserve rest, joy, and purpose - on your own terms.
How you can find direction when you feel stuck
If you’re feeling lost—even though, technically, you’ve done everything “right”—you’re not alone.
Nothing is wrong with you.
You’re just waking up to the fact that there’s more to life than ticking off boxes.
And if you don’t know where to start?
Start small.
Take a break from doing and spend time being.
Follow your curiosity, even if it doesn’t seem “productive.”
Ask yourself: If no one was watching, how would I want to spend my time?
That’s where you’ll start to find yourself again.
And if you want a structured way to navigate this transition, My Life Quest can help. It’s a self-discovery journey designed for high achievers who feel lost and want to create a meaningful life—on their terms.
Try it for free today.
Because real success isn’t about how your life looks.
It’s about how it feels.
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